The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
