I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
