.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
