sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
