Pants 0. Shit 1.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
