do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
