So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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