drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
