Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize