She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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