Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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