..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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