He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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