is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
