We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
