I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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