he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
