my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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