Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
