Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
