Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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