apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
