Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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