Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
