Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
