by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
