How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
