I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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