thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
