Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
