I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
