New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
