I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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