I'm lost and stupid without you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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