she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
