Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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