Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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