I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
