Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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