Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
