she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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