you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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