Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
