This is not my ceiling
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
