Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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