Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
