That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
