Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
