Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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