yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
