I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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