I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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