I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
