Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
