She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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