oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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