I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
