thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
