no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
