i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize