Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
barbara walters just said penis...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
