I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
