Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
