I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
