also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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