well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
