Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
