I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
