she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
