He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
