Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
