yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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