I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
