If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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