I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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