Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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