I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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