remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize