Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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