If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
