I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
