I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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