I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
